June 23, 2008
The weekend seemed to fly by pretty fast. I managed to get all my work finished and even began working on another project. By Saturday night I felt rested, so we went out to the PIT with Bluesman and another guy friend of ours. I wish Artsy-girl could have come with us, but she is as a teacher/counselor at the Art Camp at the college. It's not that I didn't have a good time, but more that I was keeping a mental list of what I needed to do and how that I could have been home doing it. MB said I probably wouldn't relax until after I had completed all of my ADEPT stuff, which takes three years after you're hired on with the school district.
I want to do so well, I want to have rockin' grades and jump through every hoop. I've got a lot riding on this. And while it has lessened somewhat, I still have my moments of vacillating between "I'll be awesome" to "Oh my God, I have no idea what the hell I'm doing" and "The kids think I'm a colossial dork and everything out of my mouth is bullshit."
I know...I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself. It's weird but I think I actually do better the harder I push. Now if I could make that work in other areas of my life. I guess it doesn't help that as a Capricorn I', supposed to me a drven individual, but really I'm a type B personality.
I watched a documentary this morning on a Dr. who has been to Afghanistan on numerous occasions. He was actually born there and immigrated to the US in the 70's. The purpose of his visits is to care for Afghani people who often travel days just to get to the remote hospitals. It's heart wrenching. I know this was shown to us to help us begin thinking about how we would teach "A Thousand Splendid Suns." FYI-Afghanistan has the second highest mortality rate. Only 18% of children live past their first birthdays. [Connor is ten months old and I cannot imagine him being sick with some horrible yet completely preventable disease. Which is why I was adamant about taking his mother to her Dr. appts.]
When I see things like the aforementioned documentary I think that I should DO something. I want my life's work to make a huge impact on some one, to REALLY make a difference, like the Dr. in the video or other people I've heard about. When I was talking with Colin, before I really began writing in this journal, we talked a lot about teaching English in the remote parts of the world. He had been to Bolivia and said it changed his life. I don't want my experiences to change my life, I want them to be my life. Does that make sense?
So I think, in a small way, I can educate young minds and inspire them to think outside the box, that there is so much more to our world than what they have seen of it. People, amazing people are surviving everyday on little more than hope. Isn't there a better way? Can you think of better ways? How can I be the change I wish to see in this world?
I refuse to remain content-to rest onmy laurels. I want to be ever striving, ever helping, ever gaining knowledge, and when that day finally does come to me, I can kiss each of my family members good night and lie down with a smile on my face and satisfaction in my heart and pass from this world into the next with the same amount of determination to make that place better for all.
I KNOW I have a lot of wisdom to impart and enough of a go-get-em attitude. I feel bad that I am privilaged, I'll gladly share my resources with those less fortunate than I. It's tough to know where, and how to do that. It seems to me that writing a check to the United Way (or whatever) is not enough. People got to get their hands dirty, you know?
We just never know what the future holds. Who knew I'd be at this point ten years ago? Who knows where I'll be ten years hence?