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September 2018

A mosquito/my libido. Yeah.
September 14, 2018

I need to go back on my medications, I'm sure, but I haven't noticed any consequences of abruptly stopping them.
One pleasant side-effect, or return to normalcy, has been the return of my libido.
It's not a raging affair, and I have pretty much sworn off sex anyway - too much trouble - and relationships are now a thing of the past, too.
But to be quite frank, not even wanting to get an erection was a bit of a downer. Physically it would actually hurt, like your finger would hurt if you had cut it and it was in the healing stages. Just too much blood where it shouldn't be. I won't go into further detail.

Yesterday was more of the same tripe and depressive thoughts, I'd say. The only thing worthy of note that I actually did was to go to this smoothie place early in the a.m. when I was the only person there, around 1030 a.m., and I bought two smoothies which I promptly sucked down before I had even made it the five miles back home.
They have great smoothies - very smooth and very, very cold.
Their business is in a terrible location, and good on them for finding a new spot downtown. I don't know when they are moving, but it's been in the works for a while now (as of all of downtown here, for the past 30 years).
We have that typical smallish southern town downtown area. Just about a 3/4 mile strip of upscale-ish looking shops and then blight as you head for miles on miles out of town. Not horrible blight, just really old buildings. I wouldn't want to be walking around there at night down that strip eventually leads out into the country, but during the daytime it's safe.

But I know the smoothie place is currently in a dead zone of its own, because my best friend from high school used to run his comic book empire out of the shopping center there. He has vastly expanded, mostly online, and he is an uber-capitalist (always has been). He does have another shop here in town and then one in a larger city Northeast of here, up the interstate. I joke with my brother that he is probably Jeff Bezo's right-hand man, and honestly it wouldn't surprise me if he was. He's always run in those circles of procuring goods and then re-selling them to other people.
He just keeps things really low-key and prefers to operate in the shadows.
But alas, he's a libertarian and a user, so we aren't friends anymore. He just sees people as capital and nothing more, and would sell you gasoline to put yourself out with if you were on fire and hopping around.

I've always felt sorry for the woman that married him. I knew her briefly when he and I were roommates in our early twenties, and she seemed bright, pretty and truly affectionate.
His letters to me when I was stationed in Germany told a different story, though, of how much he despised her. How much of that was or is true, I'll never know.
He just kind of brow-beat her a lot when he and I were roommates and she would be visiting, and she quickly ballooned up in weight like a Macy's Day Parade float.
The ties that bind, I guess.

Me, I think the only thing that would make me happy is to just never have to work again (so say we all, right?) and still have enough money to travel when I wanted to, to wherever/whenever.
I really see no redemptive quality in work anymore, and am tired of being used by the machine that is the world.
by Zombalaya
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