Because... by biggmamaz
August 2007
2...tid bit....
5...the shape of...
6Razor Sharp
7Appetites' Rule
8..bloody sweet
12New Moon Knows:
13Fox Televised Programs
15B/best be...
18Woodward Cruise
21...any more:
23just thinking....
24Thinking, thinking, thinking
25...bounced around...
26He has denied....
29AHHHHHHHHHHHHH, yessssssssss
He has denied....
August 26, 2007

I don't know. I think the Full Moon is causing waves, in my head. Thoughts are just splashing from one temporal area, to the other. Nothing painful. They build up to nearly becoming a tsunami at, or about the sagital suture line and then roll daintily to a playful splash... Simular to how it was with my China man, Friday.

It was our third meet. He came directly, from work. He wore dark trousers with a contrasting dollar green shirt that had miniature black checks. His hair is white from his temples to nearly the beginning of the occipital area, then, the remaining hair is jet black. Very distinguished, for a 45 year old.

He reminds me of my first doll. It was about his complexion-too dark to be Caucasian, and too light to be Negro. I had found it half buried in the mud, at the side of my dad's house. The grass never did grow well there, as the five neighbor kids had picnics every lunchtime on it, during Summer Vacation from school. The five sisters disclaimed it, until nearly the end of vacation time. By then, I had bathed him daily, and my grandmah would put lipstick on it, and told me to use the crayon to colour his eyes blue. Sometimes, I preferred them to be green. Or, like Sir Sam's, my Daddy's. Then, he would have one green eye and one gray eye. Lady Kay, Mom, would tell me to always keep him snugly wrapped in my baby sister's blanket, so, no one would know that I had a coloured baby. That just encouraged me to also dress him in some of my sister's colourful newborn dresses and what not... I sure did love my baby doll! After the neighbor girls reclaimed him, i never did have another baby. I just could never again bear another lost child. But, since the tender age of four, i have learned that at some point i lose children, as they gain adulthood.

I like to think of China man, as my baby doll that has returned to me, as an adult. Because, i was his protector, until the neighbor girls loved him and no longer threw him into mud, I almost felt as though Friday night was pure lust, and not incest. I keep telling myself that i was his caregiver-not his blood Mother!

His eyes are gray/green, which contrast nicely against his yellowish complexion. He closes them when he kisses me, bout like how i've seen in the movies. Sometimes, i am alarmed when he closes his eyes, the more aroused he becomes because, i wonder who he is really making love to. It can't be me, because he never looks at me during that time...not even when i say his name.

Being lustful for two hour durations are much like the waves splashing around in my head. It feels like an orgasm is slowly coming into existence, but, at the crescendo, simular to the near tsunami, it slowly rolls away, diminishing into a playful splash! I don't even break out into a dry sweat...

If, nothing else, i have learned of many Oriental positions. He has denied it, but i think he practices Confusciousism, regarding sex. He wants me to orgasm, before he does. For whatever reason, i am not comfortable with that. I strive for a mutual simultaneous explosion. I am tiring of his cat and mouse game, and, think it may be best to move onto the next gigolo...
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