October 10, 2020
Realizing therapy would probably be good for you; however, you also realize, that you're that person that always tries to be perfect, and because of this, therapy might also be very bad for you, because you might undermine it by never meeting that ridiculous standard mark you set for yourself lol...
I am what you might call an INFJ at least according to the Meyers Briggs... but I am many labels and none of them, so it really likely isn't significant... However, my self analyzation skills do tend to get the best of me as I am always aiming towards growth and understanding of where I am and why I am.
Still moving forward though, even if at times it doesn't seem fast enough. I've been rolling out the resumes and applications for a few months, in hopes of beginning that new path, post-graduation. I realized when sending out the last application that in spite of myself and my tendency towards self-doubt, I actually have a future in front of me where I won't be struggling anymore. I actually have achieved the ability to stand on my own two feet and I did it on my own.
Sure covid has slowed it down a bit, but it's also normal that it takes a minute to begin anew/get hired. I am not so selfish that I don't understand that companies aren't hiring as much (some of them) right now for obvious reasons, and they would bring back staff that may have been laid off before hiring new. I also realize that I am lucky to be working at all and not in a compromised situation, like so many are...
I am actually okay, I've paid off the last of my debt (not including my student loan, that remains in good standing) All I await is a new position and better income.
In the meantime, I busy myself with taking my son to college each day and bringing him home, so that he does not have to sit on a bus with way too many others and risk catching covid... He is autistic but very high functioning as some would know an aspy (Aspergers). He is learning to drive through, he got his permit in September so we have been practicing in quiet stress-free places.
He's 20 now and has after this semester 5 courses left to take and he will have his associates degree. I am sure he will go for his bachelor's in some form of computer science etc. I hope so. He is doing very well though and I am proud of everything he has achieved thus far. I hope to move us somewhere better when he finishes college, where there are more opportunities for him, I have no idea where that should be, I guess I'll figure it out.
What an adventure life has been, and continues to be. Not sure what else there is to say, so I'll leave you here.