August 11, 2008
*gulps down a cup of coffee*
Up. I didn't sleep worth a damn. Dee crawled in bed with me around 11, and was up my ass the entire night. Coupled with the fact that I couldn't sleep really pissed me off, I was up before the alarm even went off. Baaah.
We never made it to Dad's last night. This huge cold front came through and dropped a ton of rain right before it was time to go up. I called and him and we made plans to do it next weekend. It should be fun, sunday is Noah's birthday, and hopefully we'll have Sophie.
Dave called Sophie last night before 9, she always complains about how tired she is. I told Dave its all the meds that she's on, I'm suprised she can even talk with the amount of shit they have her on. She told Dave her Mom came, cried her eyes out... Dave is going to call CYS this morning and tell her whats going on, she was on vacation all last week.
Smokey has been up my ass since Ranger left. *sigh* He was never this needy before. The moment I move, there he is. As a matter of fact, he's eyeballing me this very moment. I breathe out, he's breathing in, thats how close we are. I still feel so much guilt letting Ranger go. Noah is still having a hard time over him, he cries at least 2 times a day. Dave was suppose to call and check on him, but he hasn't yet. The bitch that picked him up refused to take his blanket and box. That pissed me off.
Last night as i was crawling in bed, Dave was in my room playing his game, I was teasing him about how he couldn't live without me. I told him to come and give me a hug, and he did. I asked him how come he didn't love me when it mattered??? He says I don't love you now, jokingly. I told him yes you do, he didn't argue. He loves me now, when I don't love him "like that" anymore. I teased him some more about how he couldn't live without me, and the funny thing is.. he didnt deny it at all. It really doesn't matter anymore, because like i told him, he didn't love me when it mattered....
Alright, thats enough for me, going go flatten the hair and get ready for work. Dayturn, wow, haven't done that in a while.
my state of mind right now is total shit. I feel like putting my head down on the table and cry till no more tears come out.
Dave called and talked to CYS this morning in the county that Sophie lives in. She told Dave that Sophie's mom and guardian both got laywers today. She also said that after talking to her supervisors again they all are going to recommend that Sophie be placed in another group home for up to a year. Most likely the outcome is we wont get her, period. Dave tried to call and get a lawyer but the only ones available are the ones representing the trash mentioned above.
Its like being told everything we done, worked our asses of the past 2 weeks was for nothing. Dave asked why even bother coming down if we are going to get told no, oh it will look good, and if the judge decides thats where Sophie is to go, she will be moved immediately. We want her, we want our chance to do something with her, the judge has to see that her mom and guardian has done nothing but made her the way she is. Why cant she stand up and asked to be emancipated??
I'm crushed, Dave's crushed...
bah. fuck. bah. im out.