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Confessions of a Neurotic Single Mom by Homemade
March 2010
1Day 1 Homestead/Florida - Biscayne National Park
2Day 2 - The Florida Keys
3Day 3 - Miami/Key Biscayne
4Day 4 - Sarasota/Bradenton
5Day 5 Skyway Bridge/Pirate City/St. Augustine Lighthouse
9Back to Life, Back To Reality
12This Week Had Wings
13Slept Is Wat I Did
14Boring Nothing-ness
15Where Do I Go From Here??
16No Stupid Title Today
17Fat Girl Went Doownnn
19The Sweetest Face
20Family Movie Night
22Scared Of The Big Bad Dentist
23I Know Your Around Here Somewhere
24Really?????? Another Month?
26Its Friday - I Cant Think Of a Flippin Title
27Like A Bird
29I Wanna Talk About Jake/I Almost Forgot!
30Text Message Battles

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Where Do I Go From Here??
March 15, 2010


Well the shitter is broken. Last night around 1130pm, Dave and I were sitting in front of the tv, the washing was running and we heard this gurggling sound, what the hell is that?? Run into the bathroom and the toilet is filling up. Dave is screaming at me. I run into and shut the washer off, but not before the toilet overflows. Wonderful. Dave is livid. He grabs his cell phone and calls the landlord. They promise to send someone out today.

Today comes, we get a call from the landlord, her plumber is booked, we have to wait till tomorrow. Wonderful. We've probably 5 loads of laundry that needs done. Not to mention the icky towels that cleaned up the toilet overflow.

So, we just goofed off, ran to walmart, got some lunch, Noah was off school, so he was with us.

Jake comes home and Dave starts his bullshit with him. Pushes Jake off his laptop. why???? Jake comes out crying, upset, of course, Dave acts like a fucking baby too, calling Jake names, and then smacks him in the head. It was on. We got into a huge fight over it. You keep your fucking hands off my CHILD. HE's really lucky i haven't taken drastic steps to hurt him, because some days it feels like its coming to that.

The past couple of days Dave has really been picking at Jake, from this like snapping his fingers, which he knows bothers Jake, and I've told Dave over and over again to just write jake off because he just isn't going to be the son that Dave is looking for. Jake doesn't want bothered with Dave, only on occasion and its usually about sports, THATS IT. When Dave does the snapping fingers things, Jake gets really upset, and then if dave persists Jake starts yelling and then it starts a fight. Between this crap, Jake has been hitting himself, I'm not talking about a smack on the arm, its getting to where he's really HITTING himself HARD upside the head, or he's scratching his nails down both sides of his face, drawing blood, and biting his arm, and its happened over and over again all day long. He does it when he's upset, whenever he's asked to do ANYTHING, from eating to taking a shower. I know its his way of coping, but its to where i know he cant stop doing it. I'm scared he's going to go to school one day and see these marks and then we are going to get blamed for it. Tonight I happen to catch a episode of Intervention and it was about Self Injury. I could feel myself getting light headed, reality sinking in, this is what my son is doing to himself, this is Jake.

How do i do a intervention on a 15 year old kid with Aspergers? I really don't know where to even go from here. 2 summers ago the agency where he got wraparound from basically fucked us when it come to services because they were abusing the system basically, so when they got caught they cut alot of kids and Jake and Noah was amongst the kids that were told they didn't need any services, but oh yeah, were can put them in day camp during the summer with other kids like them. No Thanks. How do you deny services to 2 kids one which has a LIFE LONG DISABLITY and another who is Bi-Polar???? They fell through the cracks and i was so pissed when it happen I thought FUCK this state. But now its coming back to bit me in the ass because Jake is paying the price of not having any support systems around him after school. He NEEDS wraparound and he needs mobile therapy.

Its upseting, and its hard not feeling sorry for myself. I know I've said it over and over again, God only gives you what you can handle, but, i don't know if i can handle this anymore, its just getting so overwhelming the older he gets. I cried the entire way to work tonight because I don't know what to do. I'm loosing him.

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