|I'm Nemo's Dad|
June 13, 2014
I admit it, I'm neurotic. I've been called Bi-polar.. which, I will argue with, I like to think I'm a control freak. I blame THAT on the way I was raised, my father is the same way. The older I get, the worse it seems to be getting. I panic more, worry more, and with the kids getting older and more independent, I feel like I'm losing control of everything. I want to keep them HERE, tight within my little circle so I know they wont get hurt, and they will be safe, but I know if I do that, they will end up LIKE me when they get older. Fuck. I feel like Nemo's Dad..
I hate letting them GO anywhere, with anyone. Noah has been hanging out with a lot of his friends the past couple of weeks, going HERE.. going THERE.. and here's me, flipping out.. threatening the person who's driving him.. you better be careful.. if you get into a accident with my child in the car, you better hope your Mom gets to you before I do.. then I start texting him.. are you okay? Where are you?? *sigh*
Then last night, Dee went to this guys house.. she said they are just friends.. she left after I went to work, Dave picked her up before I got home, the moment I get home, she informs me that a friend is picking her up, and she is staying the night there.. what? My mind instantly goes into overdrive.. who is it? Where does she live? Of course, shes vague, all she tells me is that its a girl, who used to be Tyler's best friend, but she moved. So, she leaves.. a hour later she sends me a text.. I answer back.. but instead of it being a imessage, it turns straight into a regular text.. umm, okay. So I wait another hour, no answer from her. So I start texting.. no FUCKING imessages.. they are straight text messages.. does that mean her phone is off? So I start calling.. no answer.. I'm starting to think bad things.. bad things.. so I get on facebook and message this girl, please have dee text me, she's not answering me. Its almost 1am, and my kid isn't answering her phone.. I do what I do best, start a fight with Dave... scream, yell.. and go to my bedroom. A few minutes later, he comes in, and he's on the phone with Dee, I start BAWLING.. He hands me the phone, and she's upset too, she's so sorry, she was swimming.. that's why she wasn't answering.. I feel like a fucking idiot.. I tell her, please, you know me, please let me know before your going to do something that will take you away from your phone, you know I worry.. and I panic. She hung up, and we text for a few more minutes, she repeats over and over again, I'm sorry Mom.
No, Dee, I'm sorry for being such a neurotic asshole mom.
I do need medication.